Breaking the Cycle: Emotional Intelligence and Violence Prevention

"Men don't cry." "Toughen up." "Don't be so sensitive."

These familiar phrases reflect our society's approach to male emotional development. From an early age, boys learn that certain emotions—particularly vulnerability, fear, and sadness—are unacceptable. They must suppress these feelings to be seen

as "real men."

What happens to these suppressed emotions? Where do they go?

In my work with men through Manhood from Within™, I've seen how this emotional suppression creates a pressure cooker effect. Emotions don't disappear when ignored—they transform, often erupting as anger or violence, the only emotional expressions many men feel permitted to show.

The Missing Piece in Violence Prevention

Traditional approaches to violence prevention often focus on consequences and control. We tell young people about the legal penalties for violent behaviour. We implement security measures and surveillance. We respond to violence with punishment.

These approaches miss a crucial element: emotional literacy.

When a young person can't identify what they're feeling, can't express it appropriately, and hasn't developed strategies to regulate emotions, they're at significantly higher risk of violent behaviour. Emotional suppression becomes a ticking time bomb.

The Archetypal Approach

In our Manhood from Within™ programme, we introduce men to four masculine archetypes—King, Warrior, Lover, and Sage. Each archetype offers a different way of expressing and channelling emotional energy.

The Lover archetype, in particular, helps men reconnect with their full emotional spectrum. It gives them permission to feel deeply and express authentically, countering the lifetime of messages that told them to suppress.

One participant described his experience: "I always thought emotions made you weak. The only feeling I knew how to show was anger. Learning about the Lover showed me that there's strength in feeling everything—grief, joy, fear, love. Now I have words for what's happening inside me, and I don't need to explode."

Beyond Talk: Embodied Approaches

For many men, especially those who've experienced trauma, traditional talk-based approaches to emotional development have limited effectiveness. The emotions are stored in the body and need physical expression.

That's why we incorporate percussion through the Kurdish Daf drum. This embodied practice allows men to express and release emotions non-verbally, creating pathways to emotional literacy that bypass the limitations of language.

The rhythmic expression becomes a metaphor for emotional regulation—finding the balance between intensity and control, expression and restraint.

Early Intervention

While our work with adult men is vital, the ideal time for emotional literacy development is much earlier. Imagine a world where boys receive emotional vocabulary alongside their ABCs. Where they learn that all emotions are natural and important. Where they develop strategies for expression and regulation from the start.

This is preventative work at its most fundamental. By helping young people develop emotional intelligence, we reduce the likelihood they'll turn to violence as an emotional outlet.

Breaking Intergenerational Patterns

Perhaps most powerfully, when men develop emotional literacy, they become better fathers, partners, and community members. They pass on healthier patterns to the next generation.

As one participant told us: "I never had this growing up. My father couldn't talk about feelings—he just exploded. Now I'm teaching my son what I've learned. I tell him it's okay to cry, to be scared. I'm breaking the cycle."

This is how real change happens—not just addressing current violence, but preventing future harm by transforming how we raise boys to become men.